Speaking the Truth in Love

Confrontation is hardly ever easy is it? It never was for me growing up that's for sure. I feared it! I admit it, it just was not healthy in my home as a kid. Whenever a difficult conversation would take place I wished I could just go invisible!

The late Jim Elliot wrote in the book "Through the Gates of Splendor"
"the fear of the thing is often more great then the thing itself".

That is true, and I think most people fear confrontation so we avoid it. And most people just are not good at speaking the truth in love. In Ephesians 4 we are commanded to speak the truth in love to one another. Most people get the speak the truth part down all to well, but it's usually not seasoned with love. In one church I served in, the church split over their in-ability to do this. The church lost, the community looked on with no real desire to join because of the way the church mishandled a conflict. For a long time I hoped that God would just jump in and fix relationships that had conflict, hoping He would supernaturally intervene so I would not have to. One of my long time mentors confronted me early on in my adulthood and ministry experience in a very healthy way, but I remember my reaction was not healthy, it was more of a "how dare he". I now realize he did not have to confront at all, but he showed his love for me by doing it. He has become my daughter's God Father because of his love and truth lifestyle.
My parents did not do this so well, and I hated confrontation, I cringed and felt so weak and shamed through most of it. Case in point, I have 4 siblings and at the landing of our house was a wodden plaque with a dog house and a hook in the middle, and next to it were 5 puppies and each bore our name. When we got home and saw the plaque (we couldn't miss it) we would look to see if one of us was in the doghouse. Many times passive/aggressive behavior took over and either a yelling/shaming confrontation occured or the silent treatment did and we never knew where we stood until our puppy one day was out of the doghouse.
The Holy Spirit, books and authentic relationships over the years has strengthened my emotional health and I am now able to speak the truth in love to people, and do it very well I think. I don't go searching for conflict to resolve but will face it rather then avoid it or become resentful.
I am going to continue this thread as I have a very significant confrontation coming up, I pray it goes GREAT, not just good. There is a lot riding on it for many people and a long future potentially hanging in the balance. I end with a question that invites response, "how do you do confrontation?"