Speaking the Truth in Love II

Back to the subject of Biblical confrontation! I am going to share the steps I try to use in speaking the truth in love.

1. Seek to understand the other first.
Steven Covey in one of his 7 habits, states "to be understood, first seek to understand". Before confronting anyone and speaking the truth in love, it is truly wise to step inside the life of the person and envision their life and what brought the conflict on in the first place. One of the things I have learned is that so many times the problem is really the symptom. For instance, if a person has a drinking problem, many people might thing that drinking is the problem, not so! The better/deeper question to answer is what caused the person to drink in the first place.
So when going to a person and speaking the truth (which is really your version of the truth) in love, make sure you really know as much as you can. It builds mercy, grace and compassion.

2. Pray!
I am serious, it slows me down, and helps me hear from God. Don't think about praying, pray. Don't talk about prayer, pray!

3. Make Peace your goal!
I've found it's best to state the goal as being "to be at peace with anyone/everyone as much as it is possible". It creates safety and trust and makes the goal reconciliation not blame or right or wrong. Discord and misunderstanding if left alone for any length of time can cause infection, it festers. Too much time left without attempt to make things right and communication can allow for so many bad ideas and mis-truths. It's best to speak early so less damage takes place. The enemies of our own flesh, the devil and the world attack, know this, rebuke it and resist it!

4. Realize it's a process and not an event!
Rarely do two or more people arrive at reconciliation in one shot. It takes time. State this at the get go and it helps take pressure off!

5. Talk back.
What I mean is that when it looks like you are nearly done with the conversation do this simple skill. It goes like this.
"This is what I heard you say, is that accurate? Is there anything I missed or added that you want to comment about?" Then have the other person respond and then let them say the same thing. We have filters, we hear things that may not have been said or inferred. Make sure both of you are on the same page. In the same way, I like to close with this statement.
"we are about to walk away from this conversation, is there anything you would have liked to have said but didn't? Is there anything you want to say before we leave it at this point?" This helps alot. It is amazing how many times someone has responded.

Okay, this is enough for now. I want to hear from any of you out there!