Pastor in Disguise

As most of you know I was in full time ministry as an Associate Pastor for 25 years, I was also a College Head Coach, and a High School Coach, but really I have been a Pastor most of my adult life. These last few years I have been working in the Optical Field to put food on the table. I have learned ,and it has been a great place to be light and salt way outside the walls of a local church. Most first time patients I help have no idea I have been in ministry, though through these 3 years I have many repeat patients, and there have been many wonderful conversations regarding spiritual matters. I have even preached at a local church through some patients of mine who are Elders at their church and invited me to preach. This was a very cool experience. Last week one of my patients (I think a very wealthy one as he had a driver/attendant) came into the store and wanted me to fill a couple prescriptions, as we conversed he looked at me and said, "you are so spiritual, you are like an Pastor in disguise"... It was to me a wonderful compliment in so many ways.
Truly I can't wait to get back into full time ministry (my calling from God) but what a cool thing for a stranger to pick up on what God has called me to be and sees in me!

Being Okay with not being okay!

I am a classic optimist, a hopeful, perhaps even whimsical person, which makes it fun to be with and around me! But people cannot always be happy, that's neither realistic nor authentic, for whatever reason I never found it safe to share the harder, deeper struggles of my life with others...so I didn't. People tried to get inside the more authentic me, but I was guarded and most likely out of touch with my inner self, probably because I didn't want to find something I didn't like. However one of the great "gifts" of my life has been personal tragedy, in my case it was divorce. I hate being divorced, everything associated with it for myself, my children, family and friends!!! I didn't want to be divorced (no one truly does) but some great gifts have come and because my private life was played out to many in public because I was a Pastor. The old saying that you can run but you can't hide is so true, the long and short of it is this; a 2 week counseling session 1,000 miles from home with a gifted and tender Christian counselor revealed the following;

"Kevin,you are not okay, everyone around you who loves you knows that you are not okay, so until you are okay with not being okay, you will not be okay."

What a gift, and what a revelation, but what a struggle this has been for me. As this Christmas comes and all that comes with it (gift giving, lots of miscellaneous cash spending) I find I am not so okay with not being okay. For the last couple years I have been out of full time ministry and financially it was much better paying and providing for than my current job in the Optical field. I am grateful for my job, I work with some wonderful people and I am good at my job, but financially it does not provide like I, my adult children and friends are used to. They may be okay with this, but I am not! So this Christmas I am re-visiting the truth that I need to be okay with not being okay. I always want to improve and do my best but I also need to be authentic and honest with myself and others. I am in process, God is chiseling me, re-shaping me, refining me through trial to be more like His Son Jesus. And that's not only okay, it's GREAT! Merry Christmas to all!

The Dreaded Recall

Have you ever recieved a phone call, letter or postcard informing you that something you own has been found defective and or dangerous and you need to take it somewhere to be repaired, or send the product back to recieve a replacement? It's called a recall and it's a huge drag for the company and the owner! I researched statistics regarding recalled products, cars, car parts, clothes, machines, you name it. Because the company cannot gurantee the product will perform as it should and in order to avoid huge lawsuits they have to expend unbelievable amounts of money to give true customer satisfaction. I am talking hundreds of billions of dollars! Recently I took care from start to finish a recalled Starbucks Coffee Grinder. After stopping at a couple stores I was given an 800 number to contact and I would be given further instructions. Well, this recall was so big that it required a special hotline just for this specific grinder. Starbucks had to hire people just to take care of this, and it all could been avoided had the grinder been made right the first time. I had to give them my e-mail address so they could send me a UPS printing label so I could spend my own money to ship the grinder back to Starbucks. With-in 6-8 weeks they promised they would send a new one. They did!
This somehow got me to think about God and His promises, they have never been re-called! The Bible is FULL of promises from God to His people and He has never broken one!!! Not one in all of humanity, and that is incredible! I have broken promises, and so have you, but God never does. And yet it can be so easy to trust in things (even quality companies/products), or in other people who have proved to be faithful and trustworthy, but they too will let us down. May I encourage you and remind myself at the same time that though His timing is not our timing, and His ways are higher than ours, He is totally and un-equivically trustworthy. No recalls from God and I promise!!!

Physcial vs. Inner Pain

I am one of those guys who thinks he knows how to handle pain, though I am small in stature, I can say I am pretty adept at blocking out pain in order to achieve a goal. Sports are a great way to learn pain blocking/management and wrestling is a pretty good test compared to other sports. I started wrestling in 4th grade in gym class and then it turned into intramurals and then traveling teams, all the way to District, Regional and National tournaments. I had the chance to compete in college and on our team every guy was extremely good in high school, which meant talk was cheap and there was no place to hide. We had National Champions and plenty of All Americans, I was not one of them! When times got tough some guys feigned injury in order to get a break from the intense workouts. Ocassionally I did, I am not proud of it.
There is physical pain and then the other kind (emotional/mental/spiritual), we all have endurance levels, tolerances we can hit and some we just can't get past. I am not sure what my levels are but to this point I have not wilted/quit yet! There sure have been plenty of tests, especially lately! Last night and today I hit the wall. I was angry, sad and disappointed and honestly wasn't well inside. I wasn't going to hide my pain, so with a trusted friend I shared my pain. He knew I wasn't myself and I appreciate that he lived out "weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice." Romans 12:15.
This too shall pass, but one thing I have learned and continue to do is show up and be authentic rather than mask or stuff. I was a great stuffer, and again not something I am proud of! I know I have to "get it together" and want to, but last night and today was just one of those days I would have rather dealt with phyiscal pain than the emotional/spiritual kind. I know how to do the first much better than the second. But I am getting better at the second! Progress not perfection. I want to leave you with a couple thoughts when it comes to dealing with any kind of pain.

1. Isolation is NEVER good, don't leave yourself alone - show up with a trusted friend. Perspective is one of the least expensive tools you have and it's always one of the richest if the person; Knows you well, loves you much and is willing to speak the truth in love to you. Proverbs says "wise people seek the counsel of many", it's where we get the saying two heads are better than one.

2. Be real, be honest and be really honest!

3. Don't let too much time lapse before working toward any kind of resolution or you will leave a small opening for the enemy to get in your mind/heart! Do not make agreements with yourself in your weak moments!

I will get through the pain, (the options are not good otherwise) but I will be authentic enough to share my pain! If all we ever do is share our victories with others, most will feel like failures. Most of life is made up of setbacks but most of what we tell others our only of our victories. Not a good thing! Thanks for reading!

Extravagant Love

Most of us settle, admit it! Either because we are lulled to sleep by the drone of one day following the next, or often we live with regret over what we didn't do more than because we did too much. Woulda, coulda, shoulda! "it costs too much, I can't afford that..." But every once in awhile we hear about someone doing something meriting the word extravagant. Some philanthropist who gives an anonymous gift to an organization or individual that is might be considered extravagant, or when someone gives a gift that is well beyond what might be considered normal. I love it even better when I am either on the giving or recieving end. A friend of mine struggled with a rather extravagant purchase for themself, in fact they debated so much over the purchase that they went to the store on successive days looking at it, debating it but having the hardest time justifying it.

This afternoon I tagged along and did tried to be a support! The item was purchased and the joy on their face was remarkable, not a selfish "mine, mine, mine" look, but more like life is too short not do something just a little over the top! It was so fun I even took a picture! They didn't buy the gift to flaunt it in front of others and be noticed, it was just something that was good for the soul.

Switching gears, I want to point out some events in the Bible that show God's extravagant love for us. There are far too many for this blog, but how about when the prostitute pours an extravagant bottle of perfume over Jesus' and the disciples rebuke her saying they could have sold the bottle and used the money towards helping destitute people. I love it that Jesus didn't get mad at her! She was worshipping Jesus extravagantly! Or the Father of the prodigal son upon his son's return, has their best cow slaughtered, a robe placed on him and he throws a big party instead of giving him his just desserts.

I write this because today or this week maybe you and I ought to do something extravagant, something that may raise some eyebrows but really make a memory. Like forgiving someone who in your mind just doesn't deserve it. Or instead of casting a judgemental eye on that homeless person you pass everyday, and we come up with our list of reasons we shouldn't, maybe we could take them out for a nice meal, instead of handing out small change. God was extravagant with His love, grace and forgiveness to all who ask for it, Jesus is our example and He died for us even though we put Him there. May we figure out creative ways to be extravagant! Life is short! Be extravagant!

Burnin' Calories and Other Things!

I admit it, I have never ever counted a calorie in my life. This is not a boastful thing, rather I have always used different methods of knowing whether I was needing to burn some calories/fat or not. This is a bit of a anomaly since I spent years 9-20 weighing myself countless times a day as a wrestler, first in Elementary School, onto Jr. High, then High School and then finishing my career in College. I had to watch what I ate, how much I ate and unfortunately found some creative and not so healthy ways to lose weight.

I share this because this past month I have increased my workouts and added variety to them. I have been an avid runner since the early 70's (no jokes please), and I lift weights (a bit), bike and LOVE anything outdoors. This past month I have ridden my bike a lot more than I ever have, and I am swimming in the ocean at least 3 times a week. I AM BURNING CALORIES AND FAT! I am not sure how much but I am sure it's a lot.

This week I had the honor of writing our church's IMAX Guide (a Bible study supplement to the weekend sermon) at www.gochristfellowship.com. In the sermon and in the Bible verses there was a clear call to holiness. Many times we are commanded to confess and turn away from anything that is not fully pleasing to God but do we? Or do we give in and let the the not so God glorifying things seep in? Both the sermon and the guide made it obvious is that the Holy Fire of God will burn away anything that is not glorifying to Him, all followers of Him need to be active and serious about this, not at all comfortable! I had grown comfortable! I think many of us do!

Psalm 32 and 51 speak clearly about what happens when sin (things in our lives that do not glorify God) goes un-checked. We grow hard in our hearts, we become callous and we begin moving further away from God and His people! Of course there are other consequences like increased stress, decreased laughter and joy, lying and deception happen more often, and we are vulnerable to the destructive consequences that will damage our lives and possibly those near us. In the message version in Psalm 139 it says;

"Investigate my life O God, find out everything about me. Cross examine and test me and get a clear picture of what I'm about; see for yourself whether I've done anything wrong- then guide me on the the road to eternal life."

I have come a long way in being more like the follower of God I was created to be, I also know upon authentic inspection I have more to go. In Hebrews 12:29 we are told that God is a consuming fire! He will burn off what is in our lives that will not last and is not Holy! I don't care nearly as much about burning calories and fat as I want to have my flaws and un-Godly ways burned off so that all you see is Him and Him glorified. God wants us to be a Holy people! Let's burn some!

Your Heart is Good!

I am about to turn 51 and I made a promise to myself and a friend that I would get a physical. So a couple weeks ago I got one. I was not too worried as I am in good shape, I exercise consistently, eat pretty well, don't smoke...you know healthy habits. But as a person gets older what lies beneath is what you must know about in order to remain healthy. Preventative medicine. In the midst of my physical my Dr. was alarmed to see a blockage in my heart and odered an echocardiogram. He also ran some other tests. Today I met with him to go over the results. I was curious of course to find out if my heart was good or not. While I was sitting there I hear God say very clearly to me these words. "Kevin, your heart is very good!" I knew what He was speaking of was not my phsical heart that pumps my blood and keeps me alive. He was speaking tenderly to me about my soul/heart. It was so good to hear Him communicate this truth to me! Though I believe I have a good heart, it's good to hear it said from my Abba/Papa! And I want to say to you... Your heart is good!

Here are a few verses regarding the heart.

I Chronicles 28:9 - God searches every heart..
Psalm 86:11 - give me an un-divided heart.
Psalm 139:23 - search me O God and know my heart...
Proverbs 13:12 - hope deferred makes the heart grow sick
Proverbs 15:20 - a cheerful heart is good medicine
Jeremiah 17:9 - the heart is deceitful above all things
Luke 6:45 - out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks
Proverbs 4:23 - above everything guard your heart!

I know this, since I have given my life and heart over to God, He has replaced the evil in my heart and filled it with His good. I have seen my deceitful, selfish and very capable of evil heart transformed with a pure and passionate desire to KNOW God and make Him KNOWN. He has set my heart free, God is the true lover of my heart!

A simple heart check up requires each of us to search our hearts. Are we desiring Godly things, good things that bring Him glory or glory only for ourselves? Do we want to love others, especially those not so easy to love? Do we want the best for others? Do you hate what is evil and cling to what is good? Do we have compassion for the poor, the wounded, widowed and orphan? I know I have a ways to go to have an even healthier heart, but it was both good to hear my Dr. and my God say to me - "Your heart is good Kevin"!